Bravery , courage , valour | Curiosity, desire, conviction
I started my journey a recovering workaholic, depressed, anxious, overweight. I knew I had to overcome the storm clouds rolling in from the horizon, the darkness as I ventured into the woods. I needed to be brave, whatever shred of courage I had, I clung to it like my life depended on it. It did. I couldn’t keep living in pain, silence, and fear. I let go of the old friend who had kept me company for the last 4 years. It was hard to let go of the comfort, the familiarity, the immediacy. But I parted with the idea that life couldn’t be any different, I let go but it didn’t want to leave. Every step I took was difficult, the memory of failure, hopelessness was fresh in my mind and I failed often. You can’t fail without goals. So I wrote them down, to make sure that if I didn’t get there today, I would try again tomorrow.
Habits make up the majority of our life. Focusing on the outcome, where I wanted to get to, rather than the challenges, and the curly life balls that life throws at us. It was the only way I could deconstruct the unhealthy choices like takeout, junk food, staying sedentary, staying indoors, believing hopeless thoughts, spiraling into days of depression. To then construct and reinforce new habits like walking, cooking, and positive thinking. My body, and my mind retaliated at me trying to live differently, better, healthier, and whole. Headaches, tiredness, stiffness, muscle ache, wanting to give up, tiredness and some days I would lean in to it. I would eat too much, a whole bag of cheetos, sleeping all day, get takeout, chocolate? YES, but because I had already started to make the changes, however many days short it was 2 days in the direction of my dreams, the toxicity was more apparent and it made me feel worse for wear. So I tried again the next day and I would want to do those old habits less and less as I kept reinforcing the new habits. It’s now turned into 56 days and counting. I’ve lost 4 kg so far, and did my first work out for 15 minutes yesterday. I’ve cooked maybe 2, or 3 meals, and eating fruit, drinking more water, and spending as much time as possible outside.
You only need bravery, and courage for the first step. To let go of what you know, and to venture into the uncomfortable unknown. The very real threat of failure is better than not ever trying. You’re living a life that isn’t worth living, I was too. Because the truth is, I was always going to get there. We were always going to get there. Win the battle in your mind, then win it for your life. Bravery turned into curiosity for the day, courage turned into desire for myself, and valour turned into conviction that I will make an effort to live a worthy life.
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela
It’s good to look at photos, and gain inspiration from other people but ultimately this is your journey, it’s my journey, and we need to focus up on the next challenge coming our way. I am now just an overweight person dealing with the psychological damage dealt by covid-19 and second lockdown in Melbourne, 98 kilos and dropping.
Follow my insta@mediocre_melly if you want to come on walks with me, and need some inspiration to get out of the house, and the day funks we can get into.
Chasing The Dream. 